His Girl Friday
by Follow-ur-Shadow
Summary: After Donna kissed him, Harvey realizes he needs to repair the damage it caused between them.


** His Girl Friday **❤️

**Category: **Angst/Romance

**Summary:** After Donna kissed him, Harvey realizes he needs to repair the damage it caused between them.

**AN:** Based on the valentine's prompt by **MiriamValm**

General idea: Harvey understanding how badly he hurt Donna with all the Paula thing and making something very special to properly apologise and show her how much he loves her.

* * *

"The Wexler paperwork you asked for." Donna's fingers skate over the thick folders as she dumps them on Harvey's desk. He doesn't look up, and she isn't surprised, his lack of attention a newly predictable habit that had been introduced shortly after he'd ended his relationship with Paula. She'd rescinded her resignation, believing it might mean something more than just salvaging her career, but he's given no indication that's true. Instead, he's been cold and distant, holding in words he won't say but still managing to use them against her.

She'd kissed him and it was a mistake.

Maybe coming back had been one too.

"I needed it an hour ago."

The response is snapped through his tense jaw, and she takes a defensive breath. "If you'd answered my email, you would have _had_ it an hour ago."

He doesn't know what the hell she's talking about and subtly scans his inbox, flicking over the subject line -**in bold**\- that's asking for dates. He deliberately hadn't looked passed her name when the notification popped up, but she could have just as easily walked the three feet between their offices to ask, and he huffs out his annoyance. "Just make sure it gets faxed to Monroe by three."

"Already done."

His eyes flash up, mirroring her hostility. She wasn't supposed to send anything until Louis signed off on it first, and he fixes her with a hard stare. "Donna, I told you-"

"Louis came back early." Something Harvey would have known if he'd bothered to look at the paperwork she'd sat down. "He signed with Hillington. They just need your signature." She slides the document across, swearing she can hear his teeth grind as he picks up the nearest pen.

He scribbles across the bottom page and she doesn't bother pointing out the writing is illegible.

"What about the revenue reports?" He asks, not lifting his head.

She closes her eyes briefly, knowing it's in her best interest to pick her battles. Even though the work he's referring to isn't due for another three days, she doesn't give him the satisfaction of faltering. "They'll be on your desk first thing tomorrow morning."

He nods, feeling the whoosh of air as she picks up the file, but he doesn't say anything, just waits for the door to swing shut with an ample amount of force to confirm he hit a nerve. Nearly fifteen years of working together and they both know exactly which buttons to push to drive each other crazy. And it still kills him every time he misjudges and goes too far.

That's the situation he'd found himself in a week ago when he'd watched her standing in the kitchen, laughing candidly at a story Mike was telling. Things weren't great between them prior to the moment, but jealousy had reared up, and he snapped, demanding they stop wasting time and actually get some work done. Just like that a switch had flipped, crossing he and Donna over into irreversible territory. Now they're stuck in a loop aggressively trying to one-up each other, and he doesn't know what to do about it. He might have lost his cool but she's made no effort to repair the damage either, despite this entire situation surfacing from her poor judgment.

She'd kissed him for Christ's sake.

Now it's somehow all his fault?

It isn't.

Except that it _is._

The problem's not that she'd caught him off guard, it's that he'd responded, drawn into her kiss like a moth to a flame. He hadn't thought about Paula or the fact he'd been in a relationship. Donna's soft lips were all-consuming, taking him outside his body to another world. One where he was pushing her back against the desk, his mouth attached to her neck while his hands scorched a path over her perfect curves. He'd _wanted_ her, and then she'd been gone, her apology left behind like a ghost haunting the room.

She'd made him the one thing he'd never wanted to be because in those few short seconds he'd cheated. He'd pictured what it would be like, to be with her, and a desperate need to play out the fantasy had smothered his ability to think.

He can lie, tell himself it's all still too raw and that he'd rather have Donna hate him than face the alternative, but it isn't the truth. He'd rather have her pressed in his arms, promising forever. But that's all it is. A dream conjured by his emotions because the fear of losing her is greater than his ability to fix what's broken.

…

When he leaves that night, the glow coming from her office isn't warm or inviting. It's harsh and makes him blink, squaring his shoulders as he drives passed it. No question in his mind that she's staying back to work on the revenue reports.

Paperwork that isn't due until Friday.

He feels like a prick but doesn't slow his pace to the elevator. Doesn't so much as glance at the glass walls housing the memory of her fingers running through his hair, begging his mouth closer. He just wants to be home, washing down his guilt with half a bottle of Macallan.

He steps inside the metal box, seconds away from leaving the floor and his anguish behind, when a manicured hand presses in between the doors.

His jaw twitches as Rachel's petite frame slides in beside him. She smiles but he gets the feeling it's forced and he searches for something to say that will cut the tension. Mike is their only common ground, but the man's pissed at him as well, so he closes his mouth, digging his hands into his pockets and sinking into the silence.

"You can be a real jerk, you know that?"

She breaks it and he bristles, wondering if the spirited brunette has forgotten he's not just an asshole but also her boss. He should leave it, not naive enough to assume Donna hasn't said something to her best friend, but common sense falls victim to his ego. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me." Adrenaline rushes through her body as she slams the emergency stop, turning to confront him. If it impacts her caseload for the next few months she honestly doesn't care because even though she swore to Donna she wouldn't get involved, enough is enough. "You know I found her crying in the bathroom earlier today." It's a stretch. There hadn't actually been any tears released. Donna always keeps a tight lid on her emotions but if Rachel hadn't walked in at that moment, she's positive the redhead would have let the moisture pooled behind her gaze slip free.

He stiffens, the air leaving his lungs at the thought of Donna being rattled. He knew she was angry. She's served back everything he's been dishing out, but the notion he'd upset her rips painfully through his chest. He tries to recall anything that might have been different about her this afternoon, an indication he'd crossed a line, but if he did, he has no recollection of it. His emotions have been fuelling his ignorance so it isn't any wonder he's left blind-sided, staring at Rachel and not sure what to say.

"Was she… I mean," he stumbles, "is everything okay?" He finally asks, taking a deep breath.

Rachel rolls her eyes.

The pair of them, he and Donna, are just a bad as each other when it comes to admitting how they feel. "I don't think it is." She admits, folding her arms over her chest. Donna might not have vocalized any specifics, but she's confident placing words in her friend's mouth. "I think she regrets not taking Stu's offer."

He swallows hard, keeping his expression composed but leaning his palm back against the rail to steady himself. The opportunity came up because he'd suggested it, meaning there's no expiry. She can leave whenever she wants, and his fingers close tightly around the cold metal.

Would he be able to stop her a second time?

Does he even have the right to try, given the way he's been acting?

"How do I fix this?"

His trademark arrogance accompanies the question, like he's owed an answer, and Rachel stares at him, trying to work out if it's at all possible he could genuinely be this clueless. "Do you even know what the problem is?"

He shakes his head with a shrug. It's obvious Donna's upset with how things are between them, but beyond that, the only thing he cares about is unraveling the mess they've made. "Does it matter?"

She drops her arms with a sigh, feeling a pang of sympathy for what Donna's been dealing with over the years. All Harvey cares about is getting from A to B with no regard for what gets trampled in the middle. It's the way his brain works, no doubt why he's the best closer in NYC, but they're not talking about a case. He needs to find a way to access what's in his heart, which is where she directs her aim. "You hurt her, Harvey."

She searches his gaze for a sign of recognition and finds it immediately in a loose flicker of regret. To most people it wouldn't seem like much of an acknowledgment, but even though she knows it's paining him, he needs to hear it. "She made one mistake and you were ready to push her out of the firm because of it."

"It wasn't like that." He snaps, deserving at least some credit for turning things around. He may have handled matters poorly at the start but in the end he'd put Donna first, and that should count for something. "I broke up with Paula so Donna could keep her job."

"And you've been reminding her of it every day since." She's only half the size of him but puffs her chest not backing down. "Donna deserves to be in her role, she's damn good at it, but you didn't choose her because she's good at her job. You picked Donna because you can't be without her, and now you're punishing her for it."

"That _isn't-_"

"If you can't accept what you feel for her, then I don't think you _can_ fix this." She hits the button resuming their descent, not interested in listening to his excuses, and not really surprised when they don't come, but she is overcome by a flurry of nerves as the silence rings loudly in her ears. She isn't sorry she let loose but he's still her boss, and when the doors spring open she steps out, quickly striding away from him.

"Rachel, wait."

His voice is soft as it carries across the lobby, and she stops, calming herself as she turns around. He mirrors her nerves, something uncharacteristically out of place as he slowly shuffles forward. She doesn't give him an inch, forcing him to take the lead.

"I want to make this right, please." He's never begged for help in his life and shirks beneath the weight of vulnerability. He hates it, but he can't lose Donna, and his eyes flash with the unspoken agreement he's willing to do whatever it takes. He's ready to reach inside and cut the tethers, let his fear go free and feel what his heart's been trying to tell him for over a decade.

That Donna is his everything and he wants more.

Rachel regards him skeptically at first, but then she sees it. The moment he switches from hesitant to determined, like he's going to do this with or without her, and a small smile twitches on her lips. Without even opening his mouth, he just told her everything she needed to know. Harvey Specter is a man in love and he's finally ready to do something about it, making her angle her head toward the exit. "Come on, let's go grab a drink."

He nods, and her mind is already turning over ideas a million miles an hour. They're both going to have their work cut out for them but she honestly believes if they do this right, Donna will forgive him, and the pair will finally get the happiness they both deserve.

* * *

He spends the morning in meetings that drag on and are torturously slow, testing his patience and anxiety. He's never bothered with romantic gestures before, and Rachel's plan itches beneath skin throughout the day until eventually he's back in his office, taking a deep breath when Donna saunters in through his door.

Her expression is guarded, showing no sign of anything except discontent, which jars through him as she approaches his desk.

"You wanted to see me?"

She stops, folding her arms over her chest, and he squares his shoulders, pushing a manilla folder in her direction. "My secretary is out for the afternoon and I need some copies run."

He looks up hesitantly, almost like he's asking, and she feels uneasy under his expectant gaze. It's disarming, and she can only assume he's worried she'll say no, which drives a wave of tired frustration. "Fine."

He dips his head down, signaling that's all he wanted, and she swallows a sigh, her heels leading her to the door.

"Thank you, Donna."

His voice is soft as it reaches her, but she doesn't acknowledge it or turn back around, her eyes stinging as she leaves.

She can't do this anymore.

Yesterday she'd had a near meltdown in the bathroom, tipped over the edge by stress and exhaustion. All because she's trying to justify she deserves the role she's been given, but it isn't a test, and even if it were, she can't see any way to pass it.

She doesn't want to wait for this to become her and Harvey's new screwed up normal. Until the rules change and the rug is pulled out from beneath her again.

She'd kissed him.

She can't undo what happened.

But she _can_ change the course they're spiraling along.

There are other opportunities out there, the job with Stu or maybe something else entirely. A new city, a fresh start? It's something her mind has been floating and it's starting to take on weight, sinking down slowly. The idea is becoming more real each time she considers it, and a nervous energy floods her body as she enters the copy room. Could she really just pack up her life and leave?

Nothing is stopping her, just the ghost of a fantasy she's been trapped by for too many years. She owes herself more, something real, and she breathes in deeply as she removes the slip from the papers nestled in the folder Harvey gave her. The empty calendar printout brings her attention back to the task she's been assigned, and she stares at it, not sure why he would want a copy of a blank diary page from 2001.

She's confused, and checks the pages behind it, finding multiple months and years, but none of them have anything written on them, and she glances at the top one again, trying to figure out if she's missing something.

"That one should be easy."

Harvey's voice floats across from behind her, and she turns her head, finding him leaning casually against a stack of shelves. His hands are stuffed in his pockets, a sheepish look glazing his eyes, and she shakes her head, not sure what to make of his comment.

"It's the day we met." He clarifies, a little surprised she didn't make the connection given how close the date is to their annual dinner at Del Posto's.

She glances back at the page, still at a loss to explain why she's staring at it.

"Keep going." He encourages, reading the tension between her shoulders. For a second he thinks she might not play along and relief swells in his chest when the paper shuffles, revealing the next print out.

"The first time you spoke to my dad." He fills in, wondering if she remembers the conversation. He'd been out of the office when Gordon had called but he'd spoken to his father later that night and the first thing he'd asked about was the delightful, vivacious secretary who'd answered the phone. At the time Donna had only been on his desk for a couple of months, but they were already tuned and in perfect sync, breezing through cases like clockwork. If he'd been talking to anyone other than his father he probably would have glossed over it, but he'd found himself admitting she was amazing and he would've been lost without her.

"He told you how I _really_ hurt my shoulder in college, which is why you never believed the baseball story."

Gordon had revealed a lot more than just that, their hour-long conversation proving to be a wealth of fun facts and her lips curve of their own accord. Harvey's father had been a good, kind and honest man. She'd had endless amounts of time for him, and momentarily forgets the awkwardness resting in the room. "Why lie if I already knew?"

"I think we both know why I lied." Because the true version of events had been mortifying, and he wasn't about to go spilling the details to a beautiful woman, even if she was his secretary and did already know them.

She moves to the next date and he pushes off the shelving unit, but keeps his feet planted firmly in place.

"That was the first audition you missed because Cameron... _I_ needed you."

He clears his throat and the sound instinctively makes her swallow. She doesn't know what this is or what he's trying to achieve, but it's a thick pile, and she takes a page out of the middle, calling his bluff. "14th of February, 2011."

"Valentine's day, a few months before Mike started." He withdraws his hands from his pockets, in two minds about the evening that wasn't shared with him. He'd only seen her by accident. She'd left her phone in the office and had dropped by just as he was leaving. She'd been a vision of gold as she'd stepped out of the cab and into the curb, the silk draped around her curves mesmerizing under the city lights. She'd caught his eye with a shy smile that led her over, and he'd thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest until it stalled with the crushing realization her date was waiting in the car.

He'd wished her a good night and had then proceeded to drown his in whiskey.

"You were wearing the gold Dior dress, on your way to the theatre with some guy, and I didn't say it then but I should have. You looked beautiful."

She blushes, and even though he can't see her face she lowers her head, wishing he had told her. She'd spent the entire evening competing for her date's attention, who had seemed more interested in blondes half his age. "William." Her eyes flutter shut, a disapproving sigh falling from her mouth."He ditched me for a model at the afterparty. Some Valentine's Day, huh?"

"Like I said, the guy was an idiot." He hadn't actually voiced the opinion out-loud but he'd thought it, both then and now. How someone could ever be with Donna and treat her with so little respect makes his blood boil, but he's careful to contain the emotion. "He didn't deserve you… or that dress."

He starts a slow approach, his shoes shuffling across the carpet, but she can't bring herself to turn around. She needs to know what's going on. Whether this is a peace offering, an apology, or something else. "Harvey-"

"One more." He insists, lining himself up beside her and choosing a page at random like she had. He draws the 8th of December, 2014 and winces. Rachel had made fun of him for this one but had quickly apologized declaring it 'cute' so he'd left it in, and now he hopes Donna will see it that way. "We went out for drinks with Jessica and Louis-"

"And Louis spilt red wine down the front of my coat."

He looks surprised that she knows, but she can recall it vividly because the purchase had been from the 2014 Chanel winter line. It had been new and in a panic Louis had drowned the fabric trying to get the stain out, completely ruining it. She'd been left without protection against the snow and Harvey had offered his jacket in its place. Though she doesn't understand why the moment made his list.

He smiles sheepishly. "I gave you mine and when you handed it back the next day it smelled like your perfume." Jasmine with hints of vanilla. He'd been intoxicated by the scent and had worn it until he'd finally run out of excuses to keep her from taking it to the dry cleaners.

She has a vague recollection of him skirting around getting it cleaned and she opens her mouth but closes it again, her heart skipping at his soft expression. He's never told her any of these things before, and she's completely thrown by how he managed to pull them all together. "You don't do dates."

He doesn't.

For years he'd relied on her to get him where he needed to be, not even bothering to open his calendar. But he can remember every meeting and trial he's had and Donna has been there for all of them. He might have needed some help connecting the dots, but the memories are all his own, and he takes the paper she's holding fixing her with a smirk. "That's really what you want to ask me?"

Heat crawls along her skin but she isn't able to take the first step, not after last time and all the ones before that.

She needs him to say it.

He senses her hesitation but she isn't running away from him and that's a start, so he takes the last page from the pile, the one with today's date, and puts it on top. "This is when I tell you that I've been acting like an idiot. That I was hurting us both because I couldn't see what was staring me right in the face. You mean everything to me, Donna, and I'm so sorry I didn't let myself realize it sooner."

He puts the stack of papers on the copier, replacing the weight in his hands with her fingers and squeezing them gently. He could list out every moment they've ever had together, but none of them would even compare to the way he's feeling right now. Scared, terrified, in awe, enamored, and a million other things he can't even begin to describe.

In a few years he might not remember this exact date but he'll remember the moment he leaned in to brush his lips softly across hers, the second everything he thought was impossible collided with pure and untamed emotion. He'll replay back how desire swept over them and he'd pushed her up against the shelves. The way his hands sought out every inch of her, and how they teased her with pleasure until she'd come undone around him, and he'd followed soon after.

They'll joke about it, how the second first time they had sex was after he'd made some big grand gesture that Rachel coerced, and it'll be something Mike gives him shit about at their wedding. Donna will bring it up at every now and again but he won't care, too swept up in whatever here and now they're celebrating.

A hundred pages will pass in a heartbeat, and he'll look back on them when he's holding her close and his mind is quiet, knowing that it doesn't matter if he can't pinpoint exactly when it all happened.

He'll just be grateful that it did.


End file.
